Define, Hell I: The Prequel
by cpneb
Summary: I’ve been charged with explaining why Ron wrote the answer he did in Define, Hell...that, and explain the Steve Barkin fiancee reference.  Enjoy, and please read and review.


_**Define, Hell I: The Prequel**_

Disclaimer/Author's Notes: Kim Possible and all the characters of the show are owned by the Disney Company. All other characters can be blamed on the author (he, however, is not responsible for all of their actions at all times, being barely responsible for himself most of the time….).

This is a strictly not-for-profit, just-for-fun work.

This is not a part of the (shameless plug) Blue Eyes, Shining stories or the JadeKimVerse, but judging from the reviews of the original tale, I've been charged with explaining why Ron wrote the answer he did, as well as the Steve Barkin fiancee reference. There will also be _**Define, Hell III: The Sequel:**_ that shows the aftermath of everyone's action.

I hope that you enjoy this: you can blame Cindy for this story (yes, it's the same Cindy that sent me the ANC picture that spawned "Merry Christmas, Momma" and "Paint Me a Christmas Memory").

**A/N Forward: **

Questions:

What happened before Define, Hell, to result in Ron and Bonnie (BONNIE!!!???) having dinner together?

Answer:

It's not what you'd expect….

-----

_**Define, Hell I: The Prequel**_

-----

Kim Possible was fuming mad and sobbing at the same time.

"That BONNIE!" she screamed in her dorm room; luckily for her and her wing-mates, none of them were within earshot because the students all around her were Freshmen with 8:00 AM classes.

"The junior varsity cheer captaincy: I could deal with.

"The pictures posted around campus of me coming out of the bathroom with the blue frog slippers and the plastic hair protector: I could even handle that.

"The editorial column in the school newspaper that she rammed through suggesting that the university would be better served to have Ron and I expelled because we were a 'menace to the University' because of Shego's kidnapping of part of the faculty: Ron and I did damage control with Wade's help.

"But, THIS!

"NOW, SHE'S GONE TOO FAR!

"THIS WAS THE LAST STRAW!"

She looked down into her arms at the remains, and her sobs morphed into pure, focused revenge:

"I need Ron's help to get back at her big time: something that will wound her to her very being, will force her to admit defeat to both Ron and I, will publicly humiliate her."

"But, what?" and she fell back onto her bed, staring at the ceiling and thinking and crying even more for what she was clutching, for what remained of her lifelong partner, her beloved…..

-----

Inside, her mind was waging war with itself:

GoodKim was sitting on Kim's right shoulder, wearing the green dress that 'Nana had made for her for picture day in high school, her legs together and her ankles crossed like a 'good girl.'

BadKim was sitting on Kim's left shoulder, wearing the LBD, silk stockings, and 5-inch heels, her legs crossed in as highly provocative manner as she could, and remember: She could do anything...

GoodKim: Don't do anything to Bonnie!

BadKim: Bull fracking stuff! That girl's going down!

GoodKim: But, she's a person, too…

BadKim: She's a something, all right: I can't even say it, and I'm the bad one.

GoodKim: But, why?

BadKim: She's gone way over the line this time, and she's gonna pay!

GoodKim: But, she didn't hurt anybody….

BadKim: SHE HURT PANDAROO!

GoodKim: PANDAROO?

BadKim: PANDAROO! HE DIDN'T DESERVE WHAT SHE DID TO HIM, KIM!

GoodKim: (rips the 'Nana dress off, revealing her own LBD underneath) Take her down: I'll help. No one, and do I mean NO ONE, hurts or disses Pandaroo and gets away with it.

BadKim: Now you're talking….

-----

Ron Stoppable was dealing with a morning shopping emergency:

There was only four pounds of cheese remaining in the apartment, and Rufus was hyperventilating until Ron told him he was going to the grocery store RIGHT NOW.

It also gave him a chance to think…

Kim's Pandaroo sitch had Ron more than just a little upset and unnerved: upset because he couldn't believe that Bonnie had actually done the deed, and unnerved because of Kim's reaction.

Unbeknownst to Kim (and to the rest of the college campus), Ron was still receiving royalty checks from Bueno Nacho; they had re-started immediately after the Diablos 'sitch.' He had assumed that Drakken had left some bug in the system, but he was surprised to learn that it was his parents that had had a long talk with the new CEO of the corporation, and arrangements had been made.

He had enough to go out on JCove, everybody's favorite on-line auction site, and put out a request for a still-in-the-original-packaging Pandaroo. Three false alarms so far, but he knew that he's find one for Kim.

'After all, nothing's impossible for a Possible,' he chuckled inside as he turned the aisle to the fresh vegetables. The experiment in health class had not sworn him off of his beloved Nacos, but he had begun to take all of his culinary talents (including fruits and vegetables) much more seriously after that 'episode' his Senoir year in Health; the end result had been, to the shock of almost everyone including Kim, his tuition, fees, and books scholarship to Middleton Institute of Technology's brand-new Culinary Arts Institute.

"Watch it!" Ron heard, and he grabbed and pulled back his cart just as he tapped someone in front of him, and then he looked up-

"Watch where you're go- oh, it's you," and the voice went from acerbic to almost – apologetic?

From Bonnie Rockwaller?

No Moodulator chips?

"Hello, Bonnie," Ron greeted her cheerfully. "Sorry about the bump," and she burst into tears and ran away, pushing her half-filled cart as fast as she could.

'Well, that was awk-wired,' Ron thought as he went leafed his way through the bok choy.

He picked up his ingredients for the week's meals (including the appropriate assortment and quantity of cheeses for Rufus), checked out, and drove home, still wondering why Bonnie had cried and run away.

He realized when he walked in the door that he had left his Kimmunicator behind, and it was angrily blinking at him. It didn't help that Rufus was standing over it and shouting at him at the same time.

Ron picked him up and grinned into his angry naked-mole-rat face.

"I'm sorry, but I had to get _**someone**_ some cheese," and Rufus' mood went from anger to sweet, especially when Ron showed him the mini-round of Chedder that he's found.

Grocery storage, and Rufus-appeasing, and Ron got to the Kimmunicator and beeped Kim.

Her face appeared, and she'd been crying but was now very determined.

"Ron, I need your help," she said sweetly, and she immediately pulled out the big gun:

**PDP IN THE HOLD! FIRE!**

"Aw, Kim, not the PDP! You know you don't need to use that on your badical BFBF," he tried to dodge the effects, but he wasn't succeeding.

"All right, what do you want?"

"Bonnie's head on a stick," she grinned, and she laughed when Ron stared at her.

"Only partially kidding, Ron.

"I want her to hurt as much as she hurt me, and I figured out the only way to do it, and I need your help with it," she blurted out the words, and Ron was worried:

'Kim's not usually like this: this must be big."

"So, what is it, my beloved?"

And Kim told him.

Ron's face went from calm to pure horror in less than 20 seconds.

"YOU WANT ME TO DO **WHAT** TO **WHO**?" came out of his mouth louder than he expected, and even Rufus ran out of the room after hearing Kim's request.

"You head me, Ron," and she repeated it.

"Kim, are you wearing a –" and she cut him off with a glare.

"No, Ron, I'm not wearing a Moodulator chip.

"But, look at Pandaroo!" and she held him up, and Ron had to hold his emotions in check.

"Ron, you gave me Pandaroo. Aren't you mad, too?"

"Of course I'm angry, Kim, but what you asked me to do...," and he let his voice trail off.

"It's what she deserves. Ron. She needs to be publicly humiliated, made to understand how much pain she's put me through these last two years. I've taken it all, Ron, but this is the last straw:

"**I**

"**Want**

"**Bonnie**

"**To**

"**Suffer.**

"Are you going to do this for me, BFBF?" and she pulled out the PDP, one more time, with even more intensity.

"All right, Kim, if you're sure that's what you want," and Ron saw a side of Kim he'd never seen before: revenge.

Kim smiled, and said, with absolutely no anger in her voice, "That's what I want, Ron. I want you to make her pay for Pandaroo."

And, she cut the Kimmunicator connection.

Ron let out a deep sigh.

'Kim wants to punish Bonnie: I can see that.

'What Kim wants me to do to Bonnie: I'm gonna ask her again tomorrow to make sure that she was serious.'

So, Ron asked Kim, again.

And, again.

And, again.

And, again.

And, again.

The last time, Kim brought forth the Kimela beast and explained it to Ron in words he could understand.

Ron agreed, one last time, to follow his BFGF's wishes:

Taking a page from his favorite Melvin Creek Western/cross-Roman Empire spoof, _**Blazing Chariots**_, Kim wanted Ron to 'Seduce and Abandon Bonnie Rockwaller.' She wanted him to do more: but, he still had a hard time even imagining it, even thinking it, let alone doing it, with BonBon.

Especially, since Bonnie had told Ron, in High School: 'It will be a cold day in Hell, Ronald Stoppable, before I share a bed with you."

He replayed Kim's demands over and over in his head, every waking moment, Bonnie's statement from High School, and he finally found the solution he was looking for on the way to the grocer (again!) for more cheese.

Now, with the right ingredients….

-----

"Bonnie?"

Bonnie looked up from the bench she sat on, outside the library, and saw the blond hair first, then she focused on the chocolate-brown eyes.

'How I wish I had someone like him in my life, someone who cared,' was Bonnie's only thought before she spoke.

"What is it, Stoppable?"

"Why did you run from me in the grocery store? I didn't think I hit you that hard," Ron grinned, and Bonnie couldn't help but smile a bit.

"It wasn't you, Ron, it was me," and Ron sat down next to her on the bench.

"Sorority troubles, Bonnie?" and Bonnie looked surprised.

"What have you heard, Ron?"

"Nothing, Bonnie, but you're not wearing your pin, so I assumed that there were problems. You just confirmed that."

"I…."

"Take your time, Bonnie; I'm not leaving you alone until you tell me why you ran like Drakken when Shego's pissed at him and is firing plasma bolts at his rear end," and Bonnie broke out laughing at the mental image of green bolts striking the rear of that long blue coat.

Unfortunately for Bonnie, that image was replaced by one of her sisters being escorted by her latest boyfriend, one of the members of the baseball team's coaching staff.

"I knew you were a loser, Bonnie: you couldn't even stay in the sorority for more than a year without screwing up," Connie did a walk-by verbal assault, and she tossed her hair as she continued on.

Bonnie just dropped her head and started shaking, and Ron took her hand and squeezed it.

"Bonnie, what happened?" he asked tenderly, and she raised her head, tears streaming from her blue-green bloodshot eyes.

"The Gammas threw me out, Ron," and she bawled and fell into Ron.

Ron released her hand as she slammed into his body, soaking his left shoulder with tears, and he reached up carefully and patted her back with both hands, then holding her slightly. Bonnie responded by pushing herself tighter into him, and Ron's response was immediate.

Bonnie looked up with a smile thru her tears.

"Wow, I guess it is true," she grinned along with her smile, and Ron's perplexed look caused her to laugh.

"He's not 'little Ronnie' by any 'stretch' of the imagination, is he?" And Ron turned a KP hair color as Bonnie laughed.

"Thank you, Ron," she pulled back a bit from him, still smiling, so she could see his whole face, now down from a KP-red to a medium pink.

"For what, Bonnie?"

"For making feel like I still had 'it.'"

"Oh, BonBon, believe me, you've still got 'it,' and you don't even have to turn it on for the guys to know it's there," and Ron's response elicited the unexpected effect:

Bonnie started crying, again.

"Then, why can't I get a date with a good guy like you, Ron, instead of the slime I seem to be attracting?"

"Bonbon, you've got to stop shopping at the chum stand on the docks for dinner if you want king salmon to eat," was Ron's reply, and Bonnie started laughing, again.

"What does that mean, Ron?" she asked through the laughs.

"It means, Bonnie, come over Friday night, and I'll treat you the way you should be treated, including making you a very special dinner," and Bonnie's eyes grew huge: Ron's culinary skills were legendary on campus.

"You'd do that for me, after what I did to Kim?" and Ron smiled.

"Bonnie, no one should ever be treated poorly, even you, and you look like you could use some RonShine," and Bonnie blushed thru her tan, and Ron grinned.

"Only, not that kind of RonShine, BonBon," and he leaned over and kissed her cheek, then stood.

"I've got Barkin's Chem class, so I've gotta run. Friday night, 8:00 PM?" and Bonnie nodded with a huge smile.

"See you later, my BonBon," and Ron ran off to class, whistling, while Bonnie watched the departing view.

'Buns of steel,' she grinned.

"Wonder if there's any sausage on the menu Friday night?' and she grew a very wicked grin as she headed to her PolySci class, whistling to herself as a light snow shower passed, dropping a snow dusting on the campus.

-----

"People, people, people: due to an unexpected breakout of food poisoning at the campus print shop from a bad case of Vienna sausages delivered from SmartMart by a F.L., the Chemistry exam that I was having reproduced will not be ready for your exam on Friday," and the students all faux-moaned.

"The good news is that you'll be able to come and take it Saturday afternoon: I've received special permission from the Dean to hold a Saturday exam," and the moans became real.

"You can, of course, request an extension until Monday," and several students raised their hands, and Professor Steve Barkin smiled.

"I will, of course, tell you 'no,'" and the hands all fell in unison.

"Remember, 'life is not fair,' and 'fair is what you take a pig to,'" and he smiled as he waved them all out of the classroom, yelling as they left:

"Saturday afternoon, 1:30 PM, people, and bring your coffee and doughnuts: It's going to be a long and painful exam!" Steve smiled as the last of the students groaned and left.

'It's good to be the teach,' and he smiled even more.

'And, it's good to have a gorgeous fiancée to go home to, tonight,' he smiled even bigger.

-----

Bonnie rang the doorbell at Ron's apartment precisely at 7:59 PM on Friday, and Ron opened the door in full chef's gear.

"Good eve-o-ning, Miss Rockwaller. Your dinner awaits," and he bowed with such a flourish that Bonnie didn't even laugh at his bad accent. She stepped into the room, and Ron closed the door, reaching behind her and removing her proffered coat.

Bonnie looked around and smiled.

There were candles, everywhere, the flames flickering seemingly in time with the soft background music and the crackling of the fireplace.

"Would madam care for a before-dinner aperitif?" Ron asked, and Bonnie nodded.

He went to his makeshift bar (on the counter between the kitchen and living room/dining room) and poured two glasses of white wine, bringing them back to Bonnie and handing her one.

"To an excellent evening, filled with surprises," he clicked her glass, and sipped from his.

Bonnie sipped, and her eyes grew big.

"Ron, this is excellent!"

"But, of course, mademoiselle: only the best for Bonnie," and he smiled the goofy smile, and Bonnie fell in love.

'Now, I know what Kim sees in him,' she thought.

"Appetizer?" he asked, reaching for a tray on the table in front of the couch. "I'd recommend the shrimp puffs: they're my best work with this recipe," Ron bragged as Bonnie reached for one and bit into it.

"Oh, My God!" she exclaimed.

"Ron, this is heavenly!"

"Thank you, Bonnie: that means a lot coming from you," and he motioned for her to sit on the couch. She sat, and he followed, placing the appetizers in the table in front of them.

"Ron, why are you doing this?"

"I told you, Bonnie: I couldn't stand to see you hurting, and I wanted to give you a little taste of RonShine," he replied,his chocolate-brown eyes shining in the candlelight.

"And, might I add, Bonnie, you are simply, badically, ravishing tonight; but, then, you always are," and Bonnie wanted a RonClone of her very own as she blushed.

"Oh, Ron," and she giggled.

'I giggled? I've not giggled since I was six years old.

'I haven't been this happy since I was six years old, either,' and her smile disappeared.

Ron caught the change, and zeroed in on it.

"Bonnie? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, Ron. I just realized that I haven't been this happy in a very long time."

"Well, milady, hold on to your knickers," and she giggled, again, "because you haven't had the other appetizers yet.'

"Try the RonEggRolls."

"Is there Ron in it?" she smirked, and this time Ron blushed.

"NO! I just named them," and he reached for one and held it in front of her lips.

She leaned forward and bit it, chewing slowly, smiling real big.

"I can stop, Bonnie, if you don't like it," and he pulled it back slowly.

"Ron Stoppable, don't stop!" she commanded, and his hand stopped. She reached up and guided the hand back so that she could take another bite of the egg roll.

"What's so different about this? It's super-delish!"

"I modified the recipe so that it's totally kosher; that way, my parents and Rabbi Katz, back home, can enjoy it, even though the good Rabbi has been known to partake of a double bacon cheeseburger and a super-thick strawberry shake at times," Ron grinned.

"Ron, if this is kosher, I love kosher!" and she devoured the last of the egg roll and reached for another, making it disappear in only two bites.

She went through the entire tray of egg rolls before Ron asked her the question.

"Bonnie, why did the Gammas throw you out?" and Bonnie's head snapped up, staring at Ron with a shrimp puff in one hand and her wine in the other.

"Kim," she whispered as she placed the wine glass on the table and the shrimp puff back on the tray and stood.

"I guess I should leave, now," and Ron pulled her back down.

"No, Bonnie, tell me what happened," and her eyes misted as he picked up the shrimp puff and placed it on her lower lip.

She opened, chewed, and swallowed, and then started.

"They wanted an over-the-top prank, and I told them that the best one would be on Kim.

"I knew about her precious Panderoo," and Ron grimaced inside, "and I told them what we should do.

"One of the pledges got it from her room, I got the supplies, and, well, you saw the results," she smiled a sad smile.

"Pandaroo, with penguin feet, eagle feathers and chocolate ganache," Ron replied, and he surprised Bonnie:

He laughed!

Bonnie tried to look for one of those chips that she'd remembered back in High School: the Moodulators, she thought, but she couldn't see one on Ron.

Before he stopped laughing, Bonnie broke in.

"NOT FUNNY, Stoppable, especially when Kim reported the sorority to the President of the University: like idiots, they left their Greek letters on a piece of paper that they attached to Pandaroo. The President called them in and told them that the entire Sorority was suspended for 12 months from any on-campus activities, and they tossed me to the wolves and cut a deal: kick me out, and they only got suspended until after Christmas."

Ron had stopped laughing when Bonnie shouted, and he listened calmly to her story. When Bonnie finished, he explained as he stood.

"Bonnie, you were truly wicked in your idea, but you actually helped me with a plan that I had," and he reached behind the couch and pulled out two boxes.

"I gave Kim that Pandaroo, years ago, Bonnie," and now Bonnie was frightened.

"Ron, I didn't know…I'm sorry…did you bring me here to kill me or something?"

Ron stared at her. Then, he chuckled.

"Nothing of the sort, Bonnie."

"You see, I've wanted to give Kim a Christmas present, a very special Christmas present, and I didn't know how to do it, but what you did gave me the idea," and Ron opened the first box and pulled out a plastic-wrapped original Pandaroo.

"I got this on JCove, Bonnie, to replace the one you 'coated and feathered,'" and Bonnie gasped.

"Ron, there are only 10 in existence! How did you-oops," Bonnie became quiet as Ron smirked.

"A closet 'Cuddler,' huh, Bonnie?" Ron grinned, and Bonnie only could nod and blush.

"I'd always thought so, but after the incident, I wasn't sure: you, however, just confirmed it for me," and Bonnie could say nothing.

"Don't worry, Bonnie, your secret is safe with me," and he pulled the other box out and handed it to her.

"For me?" and Ron nodded.

Bonnie opened the box, and reached in to gently pull out on the plastic-covered item.

"KANGAKITTY!" Bonnie squealed with glee, and she threw her arms around Ron and kissed his cheek.

"I'VE WANTED ONE OF THESE, EVER SINCE I WAS SIX, but my sisters thought it was stupid, so my parents wouldn't get me one," and she kept squeezing Ron and kissing his cheeks.

"HOW DID YOU KNOW?"

"Wade," Ron got it out as she squeezed him one final time and released him, grabbing her KangaCat and cuddling it and rocking it for a long time, never looking up.

"Ron, how could you?" she finally asked, looking up with tears streaking down her face.

"How could you be so nice to me?" she asked, fearing the answer.

"You deserve it, Bonnie: no one deserves to be treated cruelly, and you were even nice to the Tweebs; well, until you'd been a CarMonkey," and she laughed, squeezing her KangaCat.

"You need to put that away, little missy, because dinner's waiting in the other room, and you don't want to get food on your CuddleBunny," Ron stood, offering his hands. Bonnie took one, placing KangaCat in the other. Ron re-boxed him gently and closed the lid, then led Bonnie into-

"Your bedroom?" And Bonnie smirked, but then she was shocked at what she saw:

Ron had turned a huge bed into a dining platform, complete with pillows, tapir candles with dancing flames, and place settings for two. The meal was parked around the edges on rolling carts.

"May I offer madam a hand?" and Ron helped Bonnie up onto the pillow in front of her, and she sat tailor-style, pulling her skirt down over her knees as Ron went to the other side and got onto the platform.

"Madam has, for her dining pleasure tonight,perfecly roasted Prime Rib au jus, potatoes a la Ro'nald, asparagus spears lightly grilled and brushed with EVOO," and Bonnie laughed at the Ray-ref, "a simple green salad topped with watercress and fresh parsley, and homemade dinner rolls with garlic butter," and Ron revealed the main course as the scents wafted through the room.

"Dessert will be a surprise, madam, but only if you finish your dinner," Ron chided, and he began to serve.

-----

"Ron, I haven't had this much fun in years," Bonnie smiled as she finished off the last bite of the dinner roll.

"Thank you," she yawned.

"Excuse me: good food makes me sleepy," she grinned, "and this was wonderful!"

'I haven't stopped grinning all night! This man is magical!'

"But, Bonnie, you haven't had dessert," and Ron lifted the final lid to reveal another lid and a blindfold.

"Blindfold?" she smirked; he nodded as he climbed down and went to her, standing behind her and blindfolding her.

"Get ready," she heard him lift the lid and utensils clicked the sides of bowls, and then silence.

"Open wide, Bonnie," and she opened her mouth.

She felt something soft and slippery enter her mouth, and she stuck out her tongue to taste…

"yes...Yes...OH, YES!!!!!"

"Ron, you couldn't have known!" and she reached up and ripped off the blindfold to see Ron standing there holding a fresh banana dipped in what appeared to be a deep, dark chocolate.

"Bananas ganache, Ron-style, with pure heavy cream and rum in the deep, dark chocolate ganache, Bonnie," and he dipped it again and she bit it, greedily.

"Where did you get the recipe?" she asked between bites.

"The same place you first tasted it: Bren-jawl's, on Bourbon Street in New Orleans," Ron smiled.

'That's it: he cooks, he gives me gifts, he's nice to me…I have to do it,' she thought, and she reached for her blouse's top button and started to unbutton them all.

"BONNIE!"

"Ron, this is the least that I could do for you," and she continued to unbutton and he stopped her.

"Bonnie, I don't want to hurt you, because I'm a one-Kim man.

"Besides, you are going to have to do that later," he grinned, and she stared.

"Well, unless you plan to sleep in your clothes all night, you're going to have to change."

"WHAT?"

"I looked out the window when I came around the bed, Bonnie: the light dusting of snow is a full-blown blizzard. I can't let you drive home in this weather.

"You can have the bed tonight; I'll sleep in the living room on the couch; besides, I have to do some final studying for my Chem final tomorrow.

"You have a final tomorrow, and you're spending tonight with me?"

"And, your point?"

"Ronald Dean Stoppable, I love you."

"And, I love you too, Bonnie. Now, finish dipping your banana, and I'll clean up the rest of dinner so you'll have a place to sleep tonight," and he laughed as she dipped the banana and licked it seductively.

"You're evil, Bonnie," he grinned as he rolled to trays out to the kitchen.

-----

Bonnie came out wearing Ron's hockey jersey as he finished the last of the pans, and he almost dropped the roaster on his foot.

'Kim never made that jersey stand out like that!'

"I hope it's all right if I borrow this, Ron," Bonnie purred, and Ron nodded, his eyes fixated on twin mountains.

Bonnie looked him all over and smiled.

'Oh, yeah, he definitely noticed me!'

She went to the couch and sat down, yawning and sipping another glass of wine.

Ron came out of the kitchen and sat down on the couch, and Bonnie snuggled up into his body.

'Her hair…it's intoxicating…'

"Thank you for a wonderful evening, Ron," Bonnie yawned again as she leaned forward, placed her wine glass on the table in front of her and leaned back into Ron.

"It was my pleasure, Bonnie; you were a delightful dinner guest."

"Ron," she yawned again.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sleepy…

"Ron, I really do love you…" and the words disappeared into snores.

-----

Ron sat there with a snoring Bonnie in his arms for about 20 minutes, then suddenly had a thought and laughed to himself.

"Well, I guess you were almost wrong back in freshman year, Bonnie: it **is** a cold night in Go City, and you **are** sleeping with me," he whispered and grinned.

Bonnie's only response was another snore.

Ron fought it for another moment, and he lost his fight with himself.

He leaned forward and kissed Bonnie on the lips, and her lips responded for a few moments. He pulled back, and she smiled and snored.

That was all he could do.

"This is not exactly what Kim wanted, but I couldn't do what she wanted me to do.

"I'm sorry, Kimela, but I can't return pain for pain like you want me to do.

"I'll hope you'll understand when we get home for Christmas, and I tell you what I want to tell you then," and then Ron decided to risk it.

He managed to stand, and then he reached underneath Bonnie and picked her up, cradling her as he carried her into the bedroom. He placed her into his bed, pulled the covers up over her, and kissed her forehead.

"Good night, Bonnie," he whispered as he turned the lights out, leaving the door opened for a moment. He returned with the KangaCat box, stood it next to the door inside the bedroom and then closed the door.

"Two more hours of Chemistry, and I'll be ready for Barkin," he said to himself as he sat at the desk and opened the lab book.

-----

Bonnie was dreaming.

And, it was such a wonderful dream, too:

Kim had left Ron, and Ron had started dating Bonnie, and Bonnie was beyond ecstatic.

Ron was everything that Bonnie had wanted in a boyfriend.

He was even bringing her breakfast in bed regularly, and the smells…Oh, the smells and the sensations!

The one-day-old sourdough bread that he had baked, today he toasted and smeared it with fresh creamery butter and sprinkled a hit of powdered sugar and cinnamon on top…

The lightly-scrambled eggs, served so lovingly on a plate where they were not alone…

The perfectly-cooked, just right bacon escorting the eggs…

The freshly-squeezed grapefruit juice, served in a chilled goblet.

The coffee, freshly brewed, and it was Jamaican Blue Mountain, her favorite; she could smell it, and it was heavenly.

Ron was standing there, holding the tray, and leaning over to her, calling her name softly…

"Bonnie…"

"Bonnie…"

"Bonnie, wake up…"

and her eyes snapped open, and her dream was reality:

Ron was standing there with a breakfast tray; everything that she dreamed of was there, and-

There was a single white rose on the tray in a bud vase.

'Why didn't I see this, back in high school?' was her thought.

"Good Morning, Bonnie; judging by the smile, you slept well," came from Ron, still smiling himself.

Bonnie looked down, realized where she was, and asked:

"How did I get here?"

"I carried you in, and put you to bed, Bonnie. I hope you don't mind.

"I threw together a little late breakfast for you. I have to go now; Barkin scheduled the Chem test today, and I have to trudge through the snow to get to class: it's about two feet deep, and it's not melting anytime soon.

"Just pull the door closed when you leave; Rufus can lock up from inside when you leave." And Ron put the tray on the table next to the bed.

"And, don't forget your box; it's over here," and Ron pointed to the box standing by the door.

"Ron," and Bonnie motioned for him to lean over, and he complied.

"Yes, Bonnie?"

"Thank you, Ron," she sat up, the covers falling, and kissed his lips.

"I'll never forget you, Ron, and I'll never forget last night, and the way you treated me."

"But, Bonnie, I didn't do anything special," and a tear tried to escape from her left eye.

"And, that's why, Ron, I know I'll always love you: your idea of ordinary is so special to me, so out of the norm for me."

"Well, I've always said: never be normal," and Ron grinned his goofy grin, and Bonnie's heart melted.

"That's why I'm so envious of Kim, Ron: she gets all of the goodness in life, and she doesn't have to work for any of it," and Ron frowned.

"Bonnie, note the serious face: Kim works hard for everything she does, but you just don't see it. That's the big difference between the two of you: she works in the background, and you want everyone to see your hard work.

"It doesn't matter how hard you work, Bonnie, only that you do the right things.

"Something to think about, BonBon," Ron's smile returned as he leaned forward and kissed Bonnie's left cheek.

"I had a great time last night, Bonnie, and I won't ruin your rep' and tell anyone," Ron added as he headed through the bedroom door, reaching into the closet and pulling out his heavy winter coat and gloves.

"And, Bonnie?" he said as he picked up his books and opened the front door.

"I love you, too, as a friend who has the potential to be a very good friend: you will find that special someone if you believe in yourself," he said as he stepped into the hall.

"Ta Ta, BonBon," and he closed the door.

"So, this is what real love is, Bonnie Rockwaller: not your one-night stands," she said as she pulled her covers the rest of the way down and saw the hockey jersey that she'd put on the night before.

She threw her legs over the side of the bed, stood, and pulled the jersey off, revealing her panty-clad body with nothing else on, to no one.

"Not even Rufus," she grinned as she sat back down on the edge of the bed and lifted the tray off the table and placed it in her lap.

"It's breakfast, with no strings, from a man willing to risk verbal abuse to help someone in need," and she took a bite of the eggs and smiled warmly.

"Gotta get this recipe: these eggs are to die for!"

"I sure hope Kim knows what a treasure she has," and she grinned.

"And, maybe she'll eat breakfast dressed like this for Ron, one morning," she grinned wickedly, and she took a bite of the bacon.

"Turkey bacon never tasted so heavenly."

-----

Ron made it into his seat with only minutes to spare: he stopped by MoonNickel and filled his thermos with Breakfast Mix coffee: strong and hot.

Two minutes later, Barkin entered the room and did a quick head count.

Everyone was in their seats, and most even looked awake.

'Stoppable looks was too pleased with himself: he must have gotten lucky last night,' and his eyes immediately move over to Possible.

'Nope, that's not it; she looks too frustrated.'

"Three hours, people, when I start the clock," Barkin grinned as he handed out the tests amid the groans.

"Ready…GO!" and he started the stopwatch.

-----

Steve leaned back in his chair and smiled.

His life had changed so much in the last few weeks:

He had met two SOMEONES in three weeks, and he had had an amazing weekend with Sarah Jane the first weekend before she told him that there was no chance in Hell that she'd be back….

"This was fun, Stevie, but that's all it'll ever be: I'm no professor's wife," Sarah Jane snarled as she lit up her hands. "Trust me, though, Stevie," she doused the plasma flames and grinned as she leaned over and kissed him, "You were absolutely incredible. If not for my healing power, I wouldn't be able to walk out of here this morning, or for a very long time," she smirked as she jumped on top of his chest and grabbed his face.

"One more time?" she smiled, and Steve grinned and nodded….

She'd disappeared that morning, and Steve had been depressed for a couple of days, but he made the move of his live when he walked into that bar that Thursday night and saw the gorgeous blonde, sitting alone on the barstool, sipping one of those umbrella drinks and wiping her eyes.

He was a sucker for a damsel in distress, and he took the stool next to her.

"Can I help you, miss?" and she turned to face him.

Steve was immediately smitten. The most amazing blue eyes he'd ever seen were on the face of this goddess, and he thought that he'd seen her somewhere before.

"Excuse me, miss, but what's wrong?"

"My boyfriend's gone," she blurted out, and she started to cry.

Steve pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to her; she took it and dabbed at her eyes.

"He was a fool," Steve said confidently, and she looked perplexed.

"To leave someone as lovely and obviously as talented as you; that can be the only explanation," Steve continued.

"Steve Barkin," he stuck out his hand.

"Vivian Porter," she smiled and shook his hand.

"Would you like to get something to eat, Miss Porter?" he asked, offering his hand to help her off the stool, and she smiled.

"Certainly," Vivian smiled as she added, "and, it's Vivian, Steve," and they left the bar.

---

Steve got no sleep that night, talking and other things, and he proposed ten days later in the bar they'd met.

She accepted, even knowing his background.

She was amazing.

She was beautiful.

She was brilliant.

And, on Christmas Day on a cruise he'd manage to finagle, with a sunset-scheduled wedding, she'd be Dr. Mrs. Vivian Barkin.

-----

Ron went through the test with some difficulty, but he was confident in his work, and the studying was paying huge dividends.

He turned to the last page, and he smiled at the extra credit question:

**Bonus Question:**

**Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?**

Ron thought for a moment, thought about last night (which had been so much better than the Hell he'd imagined it could have been), smiled, and started to write:

'First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing over time. So, we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that, once a soul gets into Hell, it will not leave (Hotel California). Therefore, no souls are leaving….'

-----

**Author's afterward:**

A very special set of thanks go out to the following:

A whole slew of writers for allowing me to bounce the original idea for _**Define, Hell **_off of them, and to CajunBear73, Chaosengine, King in Yellow, and whitem in particular for their humorous, insightful, and useful responses.

And, a special thank you to my partner in crime, Pharaoh Rutin Tutin for taking a beta look at the first 90 per cent of this story before it hit the presses and catching all my obvious 'stupids,' and then catching one last one for good measure after it hit. Oops...

Thank you, to all of you, for continuing to support me and provide me with a sounding board.

Thanks again for reading, and please review.

-----


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